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Thursday, 10 March 2016

Forget the Bro code; is there a Sis code?

Too often, we hear about the Bro code and all its conditions and exceptions but have you heard of the sis code? Is there really a sis code? Of courssseee hunnie,  there is a sis code and quite unlike the Bro code, the sis code is supreme, immutable and allows no exceptions.
 
Here are a few that you ought to know.
 
RULE NO 1: This rule is number one because it is very stringent and it is all encompassing. Just like the love your neighbour principle, this rule summarizes everything you need to know about the girl code, lol.

 DO NOT DATE HER EX... There is no exception to this rule, none at all. Do not even think to think why you cannot date her ex. Do not try to be logical. It's as simple and as final as that.
Some girls might want to ask for permission to go after her ex, truss me daddi,  the answer is No. Just forget it. Too many men in this world. Go and #seizeyourownbae.
RULE NO 2: Pay rapt attention to all her relationship problems. Whether she calls you at 2 am or by 11 pm, that sleep has to go and you should be alert, listening, consoling,  supporting and defending.
And when she's wrong, please let her finish, pet her like she was right then when she's calm, you can tell her how she messed up.
 
RULE NO 3: During her period and after a breakup is when she needs you the most. No excuses. You are her pillow, her boyfriend, her lover, her daddy, her mummy. Even if you have a date with your boyfriend, you have to reschedule, this is a matter of extreme urgency lol. She'd cry and cry and you'd kiss and hug.
 
RULE NO 4: Always be on alert for her mother's call asking 'Where is my daughter, I've been calling her but I can't seem to reach her'. You need to have a pre planned lie. You cannot afford to mess it up. She's either sleeping or she crossed over to the next hostel to collect some materials... even if she's in the cinema with bae.
 
RULE NO 5: If she had this very cute crush who toasted her but for some reasons she couldn't date him, you can't date him as well. Just leave Matter for Matthias. There are 7 billion people in the world, go👏 and👏 look👏for 👏your👏 own👏 bae. #MoveToBoys2016
While we are at it, I should also point out that you're not allowed to crush on her brother or father without her consent. Lol. You need to seek her approval, if possible, written consent.
 
RULE NO 6: Don't let her fall hopelessly in love with a guy at least not in the early stages. It is your duty to insult her life till she gets her brain back. Tell her she's too cheap if need be and watch her have an automatic manual reset.
 
RULE NO 7: Her enemy is your enemy. Duhhh, it's a no brainer. It's as simple as ABC. She had a fight with a pretty girl down the road who actually dresses very well? Sweetie, that pretty girl becomes the ugliest girl you've ever met and she dresses like trash. For emphasis,  add #LeaveTrashforLawma when having a duel of words with the new enemy.
 
RULE NO 8: Never mention an ex ' s gf is very pretty even if indeed she is. Shut the hell up and act like she doesn't exist. Oh and if her ex gets married, erase his name from the book of Earth. That topic is not up for discussion, except of course you want to criticise his wedding,  or his choice of colours or how the bridal train looked cheap and classless.
 
RULE NO 9: Don't tell her maga exactly what he is.  Keep your big mouth shut and enjoy the benefits of the plenty awoof.
 
RULE NO 10: This is a bonus rule because it's helpful to guys. I'm not here to tell you if money can buy love or if love can't buy money or whatever cliche that has to do with love and money but know this...
Women love gifts. I don't know why you people don't understand this God given law of nature. It's just as natural as the sun rising in the East and setting in the West. We love gifts.
Thoughtful gifts will win your way to her heart. Don't be stupid. Don't get  a supposed magic towel that melts in water and call that a gift. Don't say too much when delivering the gift. Be gentle, calm and sweet. Not too sweet. That shit is disgusting especially as she doesn't even like you from day one.
Be a gentleman for once. Be romantic for once. Get a gift that says 'I was thinking of you' . Never underestimate the power of a sticky note accompanying the gift saying how you feel. Just one sentence. Don't write an essay (she doesn't like you enough yet to appreciate an essay)
You need to show full working and the only way to do this is to prove she's always in your thoughts and what easier way to do that than by getting something that does the talking for you *wink
Gradually, you'd see that the frowns would turn into smiles...
I know, I know.... Thank me later.
 
 
BY - Chinelo Ngwu
 

1 comment:

  1. Good job, Chinelo! I dunno you...but from this write, you know me well enough :)

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